


Ashes and Ice

by Sandyclaws68



Category: Bleach
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Developing Relationship, Gen, Mild Language, Mutual Attraction, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-08
Updated: 2015-09-08
Packaged: 2018-04-19 20:14:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4759541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sandyclaws68/pseuds/Sandyclaws68
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes she just wants to get over it.  Whatever "it" is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ashes and Ice

He doesn't understand why she drinks. He's had a hard life, much as she has, but believes that there is nothing that can not be overcome with the proper application of intelligence, willpower, and physical strength. And it's not that she disagrees with him, because she doesn't. It's just that intelligence, will, and physical strength can sometimes be helped by a little sake. Or, at the very least, it does no harm.

He's so cold at times, seemingly emotionless and uncaring. He appears to be totally without any so-called softer feelings. Seated officers in other squads make jokes about how his demeanor matches the ice power of Hyouinmaru, but she knows how untrue all of that is. There is a fire that burns underneath all of that ice; a fire that she only catches glimpses of but at times desperately wishes she could use to warm herself. It's a desire she doesn't fully understand, and that confusion makes her seek solace at the bottom of a bottle a little more often.

It's no wonder that the first time she tries to kiss him he believes she's drunk. She isn't (one sip of sake is not enough to make her drunk), but the messy tangle of thoughts and feelings that pushed her to that point are not easily explained, so she just lets him believe that booze is responsible. And if she's honest with herself she isn't entirely certain that the sake isn't to blame, however little she had drunk. Maybe it's a long-term effect of all that she has consumed in her life that is making her somewhat insane.

Because her feelings for him could be categorized like that. Insanity. That's what anyone would think who only sees the pair of them from the outside. She, the voluptuous beauty who could have any man she wanted and he, a prodigy, a genius, but to all outward appearances still a child.

That appearance is a lie, of course. For all that he looks like one he isn't a child, any more than she is. He has the will and the heart of a full grown man. And maybe - just maybe - the desires. And that is what frustrates her the most; that those desires exist in him but are directed to someone other than her.

She both loves and hates Hinamori Momo in equal measure. Like sisters. She loves Momo because she is lovable; kind, compassionate, fiercely loyal, intelligent, quick-witted, and a genuinely caring individual. She hates Momo because Momo has a piece of him that she can never touch; a piece that is rarely seen but she knows is there. A piece that she can catch glimpses of, but will never have as her own.

And then Aizen – that bastard Aizen Sousuke – tears apart the Seireitei with his schemes. And for a time Momo turns against him, believing lies that Aizen has planted. And she sees the pain in his eyes when Momo attacks him, lashes out at him physically and verbally. Sees the mental and emotional struggle he endures as he does what he can to incapacitate, but not injure, Momo. And sees his stunned reaction as not only Aizen, but Ichimaru Gin and Tousen Kaname as well, betray their comrades and their world.

That night, when she again tries to kiss him, he kisses back, hands against her spine holding her tightly against him as their lips and tongues duel. But he breaks away, apologizing through his panting breaths. Then he walks away, leaving her to wonder what, exactly, has shifted in his feelings. Especially as regards her.

When an extended mission to the World of the Living comes up she pleads with him to allow her to be a part of the squad. He agrees, almost too readily, and she wonders if he wants time away from her as much as she wants it away from him. Time to try and reconcile her confused feelings. Perhaps enough time to get over it completely, whatever 'it' is.

But the time apart doesn't last, because the situation quickly escalates and he comes to the World of the Living to take command. And despite the continuing simmer of attraction between them she is grateful for his calming presence, his skill and his power. It's not always easy to put her feelings aside in order to get the job done, but she does her best, maintaining the facade of dutiful lieutenant. The other shinigami with them are more or less oblivious, and she prefers it that way.

Orihime isn't, though. Inoue Orihime, who always seems so dense and scatterbrained on the surface, yet possesses intelligence and insight far beyond what she shows to the world. Orihime, who more than anyone can see and understand the anguish of unrequited feelings, assures her that her feelings are not at all obvious. Neither are they unrequited, the human girl tells her. He may not understand what he feels anymore than she does, Orihime says, but he does feel. Strongly.

There is no time to ponder, or explore, those feelings, however. The worlds they both know and love are unraveling, coming apart at the seams, and all due to more of Aizen's machinations. His plotting and scheming has put everyone at risk, and no one is exempt from the battle to protect what matters.

But in that battle she can not be at his side, fighting with him, watching his back as he watches hers. She has an assigned opponent and that is what she needs to focus on. She doesn't underestimate the enemy she is up against, but neither does she believe it will be difficult to defeat the three of them. The range of Haineko's ash can easily cover and finish off more than three opponents.

But, as often happens, the enemy has unexpected skills. She is barely aware of some animalistic attack before being consumed by pain. Pain so prevalent, so all-encompassing, that she fears her end has come. An end that comes without ever fully realizing what might be between the pair of them.

But the end doesn't come, and when she regains consciousness she sees her friend, Kira Izuru hovering near her, expression a study in worry and concern. She has forgotten that he once served in the Fourth Division and has the healing skills to match. He hushes her when she tries to speak, telling her briefly that she has been gravely injured and that she should lie peacefully while he works at healing what he can.

Her head falls back to the ground as she exhales loudly. She can sense the fight still going on, multiple battles in different locations. She sucks in a breath when she feels the spirit energy of her former captain. Kira must sense it as well, because he smiles at her in a way that all but breaks her heart. And there is another presence, close by and familiar. Momo is with her inside some sort of protective bubble, just as seriously injured. It is at times like this that she remembers her love for the other woman more than her hate.

But for a long moment she refuses to acknowledge the other person she senses. She can see in Kira's face that he knows who else is there, and she marvels at the emotional strength that keeps him with her and Momo, doing whatever he can to heal their injuries, instead of chasing after Ichimaru. She is grateful that he stays with them, because she doesn't think she could face the death of such a close friend. And his death would be the result of attempting to fight his former captain.

But she could do it; she could go after Ichimaru, even if it's only to demand answers from him before he kills her. When she struggles to rise to her feet Kira doesn't try and stop her; it's almost as if he's encouraging her to go after Gin. Even though she can barely walk, and the pain in her gut is incapacitating, she leaves the safety of their shielded space, determined to see it through.

What she doesn't expect, though, is to see three former squad captains unable to finish off Aizen. And although part of her wants to stay and help them she forces herself to follow Ichimaru's presence, even when it passes through a gate and back into the Soul Society. He has gone there, with Aizen, to finish what they started, to destroy the people of Karakura and gain the power of so many souls.

Or at least that's what she expects. So when Gin turns on Aizen she can scarcely believe her own eyes. And Gin turns on Aizen to take revenge for some wrong perpetrated on her when they were children. But all he can do is take steps to weaken Aizen; to make him vulnerable enough that someone else can finally defeat him. And Gin does that at the cost of his own life.

She stays there with Gin, reluctant to leave. She tells herself it's because his body needs to be protected, but she knows that's not the real reason. The truth is she's frozen, emotionally and intellectually. She can't function, can't feel, is barely aware of the powerful miasma of spiritual pressure that engulfs all of Karakura when Ichigo arrives to fight Aizen. But she's aware of it when Ichigo wins that fight; the sudden absence of Aizen's energy is what cracks the shell that surrounds her.

And that's where he finds her, kneeling beside Gin's lifeless body, unaware of the tears that are tracking down her cheeks. Some are from grief, some are from happiness, but they all conspire to twist something in his heart.

“Matsumoto,” he says. She doesn't respond, though, because his voice lacks its usual tone of command.

Then a gentle hand brushes her hair away from her face, the gravel crunching beneath him as he kneels beside her. “Rangiku.”

She blinks away tears and meets his eyes, noticing that the ice in them has melted. It may not be much, but at that moment it's all she could ever want.


End file.
